Trust me and other great lies. (as seen by Il Douche!)

     Trust me! I am not against the 2nd Amendment, just against guns.

   I am not a dictator. I use executive orders because my policies are too warped and destructive to get anyone to vote for them.

   Weapons of war don't belong on the streets. Ignore the HKMP5 submachine guns, the REAL M-16 rifles, and the big sniper rifles in .338 Lapua and .50 Browning. They're for MY security.

   Nobody needs weapons like these. You voters are nobodies. If I let you have weapons, you might be tempted to think like citizens. If I piss you off enough, you might actually "man up" and save America from me. That's why I have to take the weapons NOW--before my back gets put against the wall. Only the screened, lower-class "elite" may possess weapons. The rest of you are nobodies who serve the elite. Don't like it? Man up or suck it up.

   We have a free and independent media. Never mind it kisses my ass to perfection on a daily basis, it's free in name only. When that hottie Diane Feinstein gets her "journalist definition" bill to my desk, I'll shut down those throwback journalists who actually investigate and report news. I will ensure the mainstream media has profession continuity as long as they kiss my ass to perfection and ignore my scandals.

   That's just a few of the Greatest Lies of all times as told by Il Douche.
   All hail the Douche!